WSotD - "a Song that Really Needs a New Title" Edition

I can't believe this song has never been a WSotD before. Seriously. I heard it while I was not studying and getting a manicure (random, right??) and thought to myself, "OMG this is the best song ever, and it SO needs a new title." Because the current title makes it sound sweet, and loving, and well, a bit creepy. Because "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You" - well, really? I mean, don't you maybe want to take a break and have a sammich? Or go to a movie (like Batman? Which was freaking amazing!!!)? Or take the dog out? I mean, that is a whole lot of love-making. Anyway, here it is, my comments included.

It was a rainy night
When he came into sight,
Standing by the road,
No umbrella, no coat.
So I pulled up alongside
And I offered him a ride.
He accepted with a smile,
So we drove for a while. (Well, that's kind. I mean, stupid, but kind. he could be an axe murderer, or that guy from the Lifetime movie who assaults the nice woman who picks him up and then she is inexplicably pregnant later and her friends wonder why she never mentioned the attack and it is a MESS I tell you . . . ahem, moving on)
I didnt ask him his name,
This lonely boy in the rain.
Fate, tell me its right,
Is this love at first sight? (Love? Really? Oh, I see where this is going. Hmm, not sure it's a great idea, but carry on)
Please dont make it wrong,
Just stay for the night.

All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will
You want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you
Ive got lovin arms to hold on to (OK, clearly, this is where the song goes awry. I mean, sex and making love are not the same thing in AH's book. Shouldn't the actual verse go something like, "All wanna do is f*ck your brains out, random stranger who I don't know or love but who is apparently hot and sort of emo"?? I guess she wants to avoid the judgment that would come along with such a statement, but it seems more accurate to me.)

So we found this hotel,
It was a place I knew well (Oooh, not the first time you have picked up a lonely emo boy? You minx you!)
We made magic that night.
Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me,
So many times, easily (Ah, appealing to all the ladies in the world with the random stranger who is gifted in talents of the multi-O. Loves it.)
And in the morning when he woke all
I left him was a note (And what did you say? Order room service on me - I hear the blueberry pancakes are phenomenal? Thanks for the lovin', now you are stuck in some random motel, be out by noon?)
I told him
I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree (Oh. That is a rather stupid note. I mean, I think that is what people used to tell their kids when they asked where babies come from. I got the book "Where Did I Come From?" which is a phenomenal book with hilarious cartoon people. I freaked out my older sister's boyfriend by giving it to him to read while he waited for her to get ready for a date once - I was like 3, so shush . . . but I digress)
Dont try to find me,
Please dont you dare
Just live in my memory,
You'll always be there

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
Ive got lovin arms to hold on to

Oh, oooh, we made love
Love like strangers (LIKE strangers? I mean, don't you mean AS strangers? No? Okay . . .)
All night long
We made love

Then it happened one day,
We came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes
I said please, please understand
Im in love with another man
And what he couldnt give me
Was the one little thing that you can (Ahhh it all comes together now! You didn't just want a fling, you also wanted a sperm donor! Well I mean, that really changes the lyrics. Now it should go something like "All I wanna do is get preggers but the other dude is shooting blanks so can you help me out in this dirty motel it will make a great story for the kids" or something. Maybe something a tad more romantic?)

All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too

All night long
All night long
All night long
All night long

Phew. I mean, pure lyrical genius, no? That is the kind of song you can absolutely belt out whilst driving along a rainy road, hoping you won't see some creepy hot stranger on the side. Because if you do, KEEP DRIVING. The stranger in the song may have been nice, but I am thinking 99.9% of the time you are going to end up with a total weirdo and the only thing you will have to remember from the experience is some sort of nasty rash. Ew.