So clearly I like random country songs. Hence the title - but also because of this . . .*
Sometimes you love your friends. But you still just aren't very nice to them. And I don't always get it. But tonight was an example. Sometimes you tell your friends how much you love them. And that means something. But you still hurt them. And that's where it gets complicated. How do you care about someone, but still act in a manner that hurts them??? I guess that's the question of the human condition.
So my best friends, they apologized. They said they were sorry for making me cry. They knew they had upset me, and they didn't know what to do about it. And I was glad that they apologized - but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough because they shouldn't have hurt me in the first place. It shouldn't have been an issue. And it was cute to show up at my place and kidnap me for dinner and drinks - but it doesn't erase the way they made me feel.
But I am not perfect - so I do not expect perfection from my friends. I just expect more than hurt feelings. I have dealt with enough hurt feelings lately. Sometimes apologies are not enough. Sometimes you are expected to foresee consequences and not hurt people. That is when an apology starts to resemble an excuse. And that is when I don't want to listen to your apology. Because you knew better. Because we are friends. I can't forgive you right now. I won't say "it's okay" - because it is not.
That's all. You may never read this. But it isn't okay - our friendship will be "okay" again, but today it is not. What you have said is not enough. And I had to say that. Both to you and here. It isn't enough - "sorry" isn't enough today.
* yep, I am vague. I am upset at a set of friends. If you need details, I don't want to provide them. I just needed to get this off of my chest.
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2 comments:
Every friend will let you down at some point, sometimes by accident, sometimes through lack of care or thought. It's the nature of the beast. What makes a friendship a great one is the ability to pull through those disappointments and let-downs. And I think your thought-process (even an alcohol-laden thought process?) is spot on the mark.
As much as we know that friends will let us down, there are times when we are let down that are much more difficult to forgive than others. Being good friends does not mean forgiveness, it's just that the bond that has been generated in the friendship should be strong enough to survive the tear - sometimes it isn't. But you have to go through this process, nothing is automatic, and no friend should expect it to be.
And it is at times like these that friends need to show that there was no malice involved in letting you down, and they need to show the true colours of their friendship all the time, not just in a one-off act of apologizing. It is in demonstrating this friendship, that they will strengthen the seal again to a point where you fell comfortable relaxing, and hence forgiving.
Hang in there, give hugs to your friends not involved in this - it's at these times when those bonds should feel stronger, and they should be there for you.
*hugs*
Eddie
Sigh. Drinks?
I am so not verbose right now, but if I was I'm sure I would have good things to say.
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