Calm after the storm.

Wow, my very own blog drama. Who would have thought? Not me. I am going to leave up the comments and my thoughts on them because I think it is important to highlight how horrible the statements were. Rape is never funny. It is never acceptable to joke about "putting someone in her place" with it. It has no place on my little site of internet happiness. But Jeff apologized and I accept that and I will move on. I don't have anything more insightful to say about it.

So, I shall entertain you with the pondering that has racked my brain all day:
If Viagra had been invented at the beginning of the 20th century, would high schoolers still have to suffer through Ernest Hemingway, or would he have had so much sex he never would have written his angst-y novels?

Yeah, that's how my brain works.

Jeff is a RAPIST.

To point your attention to my least favorite person ever, I point you to my post about CNN. If you read it as a reasonable human, you saw that I was mocking CNN for the ridiculous headline calling a person "cancer boy". Because that is awful. Because no person is so singularly defined. Because it is ridiculous and irresponsible journalism. And a respondent thinks I should be raped for saying anything. He thinks I should respect others, because I am a "spoiled rich girl" - but that it is okay to PHYSICALLY ASSAULT ME. I cannot make you understand how offensive this is. I can't. It makes me physically ill that anyone would say that. That is all I can say.

Halloween - Best.Holiday.EVER.

If you really want to know how my Halloween went, Eddie summed it up quite nicely here.

And I have an odd conglomeration of songs in my head right now that mostly consists of Ryan Adams. It goes something like this:

Oh I miss you oh When you laid me down Into your beautiful garden Flowers and the love in my arms Is God playing evil tricks on me
May you one day carry me home Up here in the city feels like things are closing in The sunsets just my light bulb burning out I miss Kentucky and I miss my family
Will you comfort me in my time of need Can you take away the pain of hurtful deeds Cause I will comfort you when my days are through And I'll let your smile just off and carry me

OK, so it is entirely comprised of Ryan Adams. Shush. Happy Halloween.

Well Played, CNN, Masters of the News Universe.

So here I am wasting time in my sweats, with Kashi, at my kitchen counter this morning when I stumble on to cnn.com. CNN is my last resort. I grudgingly click over to it after I have exhausted all other legitimate internet entertainment. Because CNN is not real news. No, really. Anderson Cooper might be a silver fox (which reminds me that I had a really weird dream about my gay neighbors in DC last night that involved me breaking into their house and then eating pasta with them . . . but I digress), but CNN is still crap. Sort of like Jeff, the God of Biscuits (man, I am really all over the place today).

So imagine my glee (and Eddie's as well, sick bastard) at the top headline of the day over at blessed CNN.com:

"Pitbull Kills Cancer Boy's Miniature Horse"

And the ensuing chat:
A-Hottie: "Pit Bull Kills Cancer Boy's Miniature Horse" * what a headline * so well written* Cancer Boy???
Eddie: Is that real???
A-Hottie: yep * cnn.com * where else?
Eddie: i'm crying laughing at that * I just told everyone at the coffee shop
(ok, what are we, an episode from Friends?? Continue . . .)
A-Hottie: heehee * I just like that he is Cancer Boy * like the worst superhero EVER
Eddie: HAHAHA * Cancer Boy * OMG * STOP
A-Hottie: What is his special power? Shoots chemo through his fingertips?
Eddie: Yes. While riding his miniature horse.
A-Hottie: Hahaha, oh man. Straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

ADDENDUM. ENSUING HILARITY OVER GCHAT:
A-Hottie: I am laughing so hard * I am picturing this little bald superhero on a mini horse and absolutely crying
Eddie: hhahahahaha OMG it hurts
A-Hottie: i know. with his hospital gown as a cape. oh dear.

Eddie: I think his miniature horse should have the pit-bull gouge still there. like a zombie horse.

A-Hottie: his head lolling a bit to one side.

Eddie: and it should be too small for Cancer Boy too, so his legs scrape along the floor while he's riding him. Cancer Boy has outgrown Minaiature Zombie Horse, but how can he leave him, they've been through so much

A-Hottie: this should really be Tim Burton's next project. and of course the kid needs parents who are complete dolts.

Eddie: and are clueless to the secret identity of Cancer Boy. because he wears glasses. great fucking disguise. maybe he can cure cancer

A-Hottie: ooh like a real hero!

Eddie: but he can't cure his own

A-Hottie: but his pony is magic! and so long as he rides it, he is ok!

Eddie: and by the end of the movie/trilogy, his mini-horse cures him.

A-Hottie: And he becomes a real horse again!

Eddie: ooh ooh! can it have sneakers, too???

A-Hottie: YES

Larry.

Rather than working on my mountain of homework, I thought it was important for me to post this:



















Murphy as Larry the Lobster. What a dog - erm, crustacean.

I am Emily X.

You may have noticed this blog as a featured link. Workers from Planned Parenthood describe what their days are like, the difficulties they face, and how proud they are to provide quality healthcare to women in need. Well, I am only a volunteer, but I thought I would take this opportunity to describe my time at Planned Parenthood.

Usually, I volunteer at a quiet clinic never visited by protesters. I file charts, call patients, make goodie bags, make posters for the waiting room, and basically do whatever I can to make the staff's day a bit easier. Recently, however, I have been filling in at a bigger clinic that receives more protesters. During the battle to get our clinic opened in Aurora, a group announced they would be holding a 40 day prayer vigil at PP's across the country, so we stepped up our escort duties at this clinic.

I was expecting angry, hostile people spewing forth hatred, lies about Planned Parenthood and what we stand for, and ridiculous arguments about women's health. But I think the reality of my experience thus far makes me more upset. The protesters just stand there, praying. Now, I believe in the power of positive thoughts, meditation, and prayer. But I also believe in taking action to further what you stand behind. I am not suggesting that I miss the days of frequent clinic bombings, harassment and injury to staff members, etc. What I mean by "taking action" is simply this: if you want to really help women facing tough choices, why not get involved with the women? Go work at a day care for poor teens who need the service to finish school and be strong working mothers. Volunteer at an after-school program for at-risk youths to build their self-esteem and help them realize all of their potential to dissuade them from unsafe sexual activity. Hell, take in one of the hundreds of thousands of foster children in this country who need a safe and stable place to call home. But to simply stand in front of a building, doing nothing, is to me inexcusable. Who are you helping? I have never seen a person entering the clinic (for whatever reason - to purchase condoms, birth control, get tested for STIs, or for abortion services) bat an eyelash at you - not to mention turn around because of you.

Again, who are you helping??? We noticed today that more of you showed up because your priest was there. So is that it? You want to impress your priest and showcase your piety to your fellow churchgoers? I think any of my above suggestions for action would do a better job of that. I am not some heathen volunteer - I went to Sunday school, I went to Catholic school. I know the mission. You are instructed not to judge - lest you be judged by a higher power. So by condemning the people who come to the clinic for healthcare, for calling them evil, you are disregarding a crucial piece of your faith. You are instructed to love your neighbors as yourself - if a neighbor was going through a difficult decision, would you shame her? Condemn her? Is that how you would want to be treated, to be loved by your neighbor? And back to my first point, you are to serve those in your community who need help - to take real action for those who cannot help themselves. I do not see you taking any action. I see judging, condemnation, an attitude of dismissal and disdain towards your fellow man - the people who are not as pious as you. Well, I see through it. I do not respect your mission - not because I do not respect your religion, but because you are not working for a religion, but to advance your own self-righteousness. To do so in the face of people who need help the most, that to me is truly cruel.

And to the dozens of passers-by who have repeatedly expressed their support, their gratitude, and their well wishes to those of us who do act for what we believe in, those of us who stand up for our neighbors in need, who refuse to pass judgment on people just like ourselves, I thank you. Your kind words humble me and remind me why I will continue to support women and their health. Because it is important, because most people want choice and freedom and healthcare to be respected, because it is the right thing to do. And for my friends who support me in this endeavor, I thank you. It means the world to me, and so do you.

Read this. Then read it again.

Those of you who know me personally already know that my passion in this life is working for reproductive justice (especially for women - who, let's face it, bear the burden of most reproductive issues). And the link I am posting sums up why I care so damned much. So please read it and forward it on.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jill-filipovic/killing-in-the-name-of_b_68521.html

Mondays Am Dumb.

Walking while listening to your iPod is kind of like having your own theme music.

And for all of you Eddie Izzard fans out there - think of his "Hitler never played Risk as a kid" joke while you picture Murphy ecstatically bounding up to a pair of Mastiffs; only to retreat as if to say, "ooh, they're a bit big, they're a bit big." Heehee.

Oh and . . .

don't talk to me about CU losing. See the next post and determine that I need a break.

Adults. How to be one.

Apparently, ahem, this topic needs going over. So here is my take:

Appropriate phrases to use to stop "seeing" someone before the "dating" begins:
* I like hanging out with you, but I think we are better off as friends.
* We have so many mutual friends, I think dating might be weird.
* You spend too much time with your dog and it weirds me out.
* We haven't quite gotten there yet, but it is patently obvious that I am not going to be all that great in bed, so rather than embarass myself, we should quit while you are ahead.
* You are way too hot for me - I would be insecure dating you.
* Um, sorry to tell you this, but the person you were seeing died/moved to Yemen (said by mutual friend, obvs)

Inappropriate methods of ending the "seeing" before the "dating":
* Simply not speaking to the person even though you have the same group of friends and will clearly be seeing each other in the future. Seriously folks - this is what you do in 6th grade (Oh man, Lucy totally burned Jimmy! She didn't sit by him on the bus today - SNAP!) not as an adult who has graduated from college and holds down a job.
* Being mean to the other person's dog (really, this is never an acceptable way of solving anything)

If you are unsure of the appropriateness of your method, select a new method from the first section. They are all reasonably friendly and do not involve meanness to cute puppies.

P.S. To my dear friends, absolutely none of whom are single (and yes, Daisy, having a boy who you regularly make out with and also hang out with means you are not single), enough with telling me how fun being single is. Because none of you are. If it was so amazing, you would do it, too. Also, no more setting me up with immature, emotionally unavailable men. Because really, haven't I dealt with enough of those???

Math.

Fat Tire Seasonal "2 below ale": $8.49
Harvest Moon Pumpkin Ale: $7.29
Barefoot Bubbly: $6.69
Polka Dot Riesling: $7.99
Having a dog at home so that you aren't really drinking alone: $10 (he had a $10 bath today)

Grand total for a fabulous night of drinking, dancing, and online scrabble with a freshly scrubbed pup: $43.60 and worth every penny.

Results (casualties?) of last night.

Bottles of red wine consumed: 1
Kitchens/living rooms spotlessly cleaned: 1
Unreadable blog postings: 1
Smooshed iPods: 1
Bedrooms spotlessly cleaned: 0 (kitchens are more fun to drunk dance/clean in )
Dance parties held with Murphy: 1
Eddie Izzard films watched: 1
Pita chips eaten: 1 bag
Chocolate chips eaten: .25 bags (I haven't been to the grocery in a while)
Text messages sent: at least 11 but sometimes I delete them to hide them from myself so quite possibly 25.

In summary, one night having a drunk dance/cleaning party with the Murph: phenomenal

Eddie's fault

Um, and yes it is rather late. Shut up. I just have to say that my recent obsession with Ryan Adams is partially attributable to Eddie. It is this happy-sad love affair with a scruffy man who makes me want to smile and cry alternatively. Love it, hate it, it is all there. And hence I love Eddie.

Oh and p.s. Ryan? If you see this? Besos from me and Murph - we love you in a scruffy, non-materialistic, guys that play instruments are freaking hot - kind of way.

Halloween I

Halloween is my favorite holiday - so odds are I am going to write about it multiple times and post pictures of my awesome homemade costumes (that's right, costumeS - I told you it is my favorite holiday). But before all of that, Murphy has a question.

Should he be a lobster, a dinosaur, or a chili pepper?

CU won again this weekend - I was too busy (read "drunk") to notice.

But that doesn't actually make me a bad CU fan - in fact, it makes me pretty much the quintessential Buff.

We are so going to a bowl this year!!!

oh.dear.

And that encapsulates my experience at law school homecoming. Thank god for water and thai food.

Homecoming

Yeah, you may be thinking, "um that already happened, remember? CU won and you were/are really excited? maybe too many beers at the game?" To which I would reply, "But this is law school homecoming and I was roped into attending this year against my better judgment because it is 3rd year and I never attend any law school functions and my friends bitched and wheedled enough that I decided to go."

So yeah. Here I go. Open bar? Check. Cute dress? Check. New make-up? Check.

What could possibly go wrong??? Um, hopefully nothing.

More thoughts on fall . . .

Apparently it is time to have this little chat with all of my fellow CTA riders once again. It is fall. People are spending more time inside with each other, the weather is changing, and the Bears are losing (which actually has nothing to do with the point I am getting to, but it is an observation), and people are getting colds (see? nothing to do with the Bears). So, it is time to remind you all that it is impolite, nay, asshattish to sneeze, cough, or clear your throat onto a stranger. Or someone you know. Basically, cover your damn mouth/nose and keep your little snot droplets off of me. Oh, and wash your hands. Seriously. You don't have to get the little hand sanitizer bottles and be all freaky, but you do need to combine soap and water and rub your hands while singing "Happy Birthday" a few times a day - okay? (The "Happy Birthday" thing is Daisy's suggestion - something about little kids not washing their hands for a long enough period of time. And since there is a study out about how American men have apparently stopped washing their hands after using the pisser, I suppose the little song trick is applicable to adults, too).

And on a sidenote, what the crap am I allergic to??? Is October really allergy season?

Congratulations!

Congrats to all of the hard working PPCA staff (and thanks to everyone who rallied to support PP) - the Aurora clinic will be open for business tomorrow!