If you were wondering what I want for my birthday (which isn't for several months) aside from a date with Ryan, a date with Sidney, and a date with Hugh Laurie (yeah, yeah), I also want a trip to an amusement park (I lurve rollercoasters) and one of these:
www.littlemoos.com/photos/index.php
I mean really. A freaking mini cow. Really. Your mascot sits in a tree all day thinking up new things to put cheese on. Really.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
AH - Movie Critic Extraordinaire
I don't see many movies. Why? Well it's a combination of things. And I suppose that that earlier statement should be amended to say "I don't see many GOOD movies" (there, happy Eddie??). I have seen movies like "13 Going on 30" about a zillion times. And "B" horror movies, oh swoon. But I don't go to the theater much and I don't EVER rent movies and I can't be bothered to watch the satellite guide to plan what I want to watch on HBO. So, I don't see many movies. But this weekend I was determined to see some Oscar nominated flicks and to relax and stay in from the cold. While I am nowhere near the movie buff that Artful is - or Eddie, he likes movies too - here are my thoughts on The Reader, Benjamin Button, and My Best Friend's Girl (hey, they can't all be good, but which one was the best?!?!?! oooooh the suspense). Oh, I will probably have some ***SPOILERS*** so if you are at all angered by them, um, read this post another time. Or never. Whichever.
The Reader -
Damn Kate Winslet. I have seen you naked a lot. Like, really a lot. And you still have a bangin' body. I am kind of jealous. Fine. Really freaking jealous. Oh, to the task at hand. Um, underage sex plus concentration camps. Interesting mix, no? No, not really. I mean yeah, the characters were compelling and well acted and Ralph Fiennes is soooooo gorgeous but the movie is pretty much a soul-suck, and not in a "wow I learned something" way but in a "everyone dies alone and sad" kind of way. And? At the big trial? (OK really big spoiler here. Don't say I didn't warn you!!!) The judge asks the woman testifying "how many people died that night?" and she says "All of them." OK . . . but YOU were there and YOU are now HERE so clearly not ALL OF THEM died! And how did you live??? Where are the follow-up questions?!?!?! Hmph. After the movie my friend told me I am never allowed to pick the movie again. Never. Deservedly so. We should have seen "the wrestler" - I mean it's Mickey Rourke Playing mickey Rourke - if nothing else that's entertainment gold.
My Best Friend's Girl -
After a delicious Italian dinner, this movie was on tap. Not my choice. Dane Cook is a moron and Kate Hudson and Jason Biggs play the same people in every movie they are ever in. So yeah, I was glad I was a half a bottle of wine in. But a friend of a friend wrote the movie, so I agreed to give it a shot. And??? Fucking hilarious. No, really. I wanted so much to not like this movie. Like, a lot. Like I wanted to not like it as much as I have seen Kate Winslet naked in movies. So, a lot. It's a goofball comedy that was marketed really poorly as a rom-com. If you need a mindless night, just rent this. I promise.
Benjamin Button -
To be fair, I was sitting next to the most annoying girl in the world at this movie. She was SO DUMB. Bawling for the final 25 minutes of the movie, she said through her tears and snot at the end "I didn't know that was Cate Blanchett!!!" She also was mildly offended when I turned to my movie-watching companion and said, "That was awful. We should have seen the Wrestler - again. Dane Cook was better than that movie." Seriously. if you are really jonesing for another "Forrest Gump" but with even WORSE Southern accents (fricking terrible), then yeah, go waste 3 hours at this. If this wins any awards it will merely serve to reaffirm my belief that people are incredibly stupid. My buddy said, "I didn't think that was an hour too long" to which I responded, "You're right, it was 3 hours too long." Ugh.
See? I'll bet you didn't think My Best Friend's Girl would be the best movie I saw all weekend. But it was. Don't say I didn't warn you. And now you know why I don't go to the movies.
The Reader -
Damn Kate Winslet. I have seen you naked a lot. Like, really a lot. And you still have a bangin' body. I am kind of jealous. Fine. Really freaking jealous. Oh, to the task at hand. Um, underage sex plus concentration camps. Interesting mix, no? No, not really. I mean yeah, the characters were compelling and well acted and Ralph Fiennes is soooooo gorgeous but the movie is pretty much a soul-suck, and not in a "wow I learned something" way but in a "everyone dies alone and sad" kind of way. And? At the big trial? (OK really big spoiler here. Don't say I didn't warn you!!!) The judge asks the woman testifying "how many people died that night?" and she says "All of them." OK . . . but YOU were there and YOU are now HERE so clearly not ALL OF THEM died! And how did you live??? Where are the follow-up questions?!?!?! Hmph. After the movie my friend told me I am never allowed to pick the movie again. Never. Deservedly so. We should have seen "the wrestler" - I mean it's Mickey Rourke Playing mickey Rourke - if nothing else that's entertainment gold.
My Best Friend's Girl -
After a delicious Italian dinner, this movie was on tap. Not my choice. Dane Cook is a moron and Kate Hudson and Jason Biggs play the same people in every movie they are ever in. So yeah, I was glad I was a half a bottle of wine in. But a friend of a friend wrote the movie, so I agreed to give it a shot. And??? Fucking hilarious. No, really. I wanted so much to not like this movie. Like, a lot. Like I wanted to not like it as much as I have seen Kate Winslet naked in movies. So, a lot. It's a goofball comedy that was marketed really poorly as a rom-com. If you need a mindless night, just rent this. I promise.
Benjamin Button -
To be fair, I was sitting next to the most annoying girl in the world at this movie. She was SO DUMB. Bawling for the final 25 minutes of the movie, she said through her tears and snot at the end "I didn't know that was Cate Blanchett!!!" She also was mildly offended when I turned to my movie-watching companion and said, "That was awful. We should have seen the Wrestler - again. Dane Cook was better than that movie." Seriously. if you are really jonesing for another "Forrest Gump" but with even WORSE Southern accents (fricking terrible), then yeah, go waste 3 hours at this. If this wins any awards it will merely serve to reaffirm my belief that people are incredibly stupid. My buddy said, "I didn't think that was an hour too long" to which I responded, "You're right, it was 3 hours too long." Ugh.
See? I'll bet you didn't think My Best Friend's Girl would be the best movie I saw all weekend. But it was. Don't say I didn't warn you. And now you know why I don't go to the movies.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
#36
Today is the 36th anniversary of the decision of the now famous (infamous?) case, Roe v. Wade. For the first time in 8 years, this date carries with it the promise of a President who is committed to taking real steps toward reducing the need for abortions in this country while at the same time recognizing the importance of safe, legal abortion availability. Banning abortion, making abortion procedures more difficult to obtain, and shaming the millions of women who have abortions every year are all "solutions" that do nothing to address the root problem. My hope on this anniversary is that our new administration takes meaningful steps to reduce the number of unintended pregnancies by:
* improving access to healthcare for all women
* making birth control more affordable
* improving sex education in schools so that it covers not only abstinence, but also contraception (and so that it does not ignore the presence of students who do not fit the heteronormative standard)
* rolling back the Global Gag Rule so that women around the world get accurate information about their full range of reproductive options and can make informed decisions regarding their own health
* repealing the Hyde Amendment!
* getting rid of the ridiculous new HHS "conscience clause"
* increasing funding for programs that help young, poor women become more independent and better mothers (by accessing childcare, education, and mentors)
Take the time today to thank a reproductive healthcare provider, or volunteer your time, or make a donation to your favorite reproductive health organization (even with a pro-choice President, they still need help providing affordable healthcare!). And cross your fingers - maybe some of the above will happen TODAY!
* improving access to healthcare for all women
* making birth control more affordable
* improving sex education in schools so that it covers not only abstinence, but also contraception (and so that it does not ignore the presence of students who do not fit the heteronormative standard)
* rolling back the Global Gag Rule so that women around the world get accurate information about their full range of reproductive options and can make informed decisions regarding their own health
* repealing the Hyde Amendment!
* getting rid of the ridiculous new HHS "conscience clause"
* increasing funding for programs that help young, poor women become more independent and better mothers (by accessing childcare, education, and mentors)
Take the time today to thank a reproductive healthcare provider, or volunteer your time, or make a donation to your favorite reproductive health organization (even with a pro-choice President, they still need help providing affordable healthcare!). And cross your fingers - maybe some of the above will happen TODAY!
Friday, January 9, 2009
Stolen Lines #1 . . .
"I tried to think of the right answer. Unable to think of that, I spoke anyway."
"Kryptonite?"
*heads turn*
"You think that the letter K on the periodic table stands for 'Kryptonite' Miss Hottie?"
"Erm, yes?"
"Anyone ELSE care to offer a guess?"
*other hands raise quickly*
I fucking hated middle school.
"Kryptonite?"
*heads turn*
"You think that the letter K on the periodic table stands for 'Kryptonite' Miss Hottie?"
"Erm, yes?"
"Anyone ELSE care to offer a guess?"
*other hands raise quickly*
I fucking hated middle school.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Prime Numbers . . . or Viktor's First Appearance
I have been absolutely ridiculously bored lately - but without any motivation to remedy the situation. And today was a crummy day. My wisdom teeth are coming in, so I went to the dentist to figure out the course of action, and we are waiting for them to grow in, then pulling them out. Something in that plan seems fundamentally wrong, but who am I to argue? So here I am, bored, teething (it hurts!), and frustrated that I haven't been home for Thanksgiving in 6 years. What do I do? Duh, order a disgusting amount of sushi and drink a bottle of white wine (c'mon, you knew it was coming).
AH: I should have another glass of wine, right?
Viktor: That depends, how many have you had?
AH: 2.5
AH: Fine, that's a lie. 3.
Viktor: Well you can't end your drinking with a prime number! Have at it!
It's rather remarkably easy to see why we are friends . . .
AH: I should have another glass of wine, right?
Viktor: That depends, how many have you had?
AH: 2.5
AH: Fine, that's a lie. 3.
Viktor: Well you can't end your drinking with a prime number! Have at it!
It's rather remarkably easy to see why we are friends . . .
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
The Liver Chronicles*
On a particularly hungover evening, while riding home from a Hawks game with Artful, Eddie, and Scuba Steve, the following conversation transpired:
AH: Ugh. I think my liver has simply given up.
Liver: You think so, asshole??? Maybe it's because you routinely abuse me with your Colorado football games and your RockBand plus white wine drinking extravaganzas.
AH: Um, is that my liver actually telling me it hates me??
Liver: Yes bitch. I hate you. Why don't you poison me again and see what happens?
AH: Okay but isn't it sort of your JOB to help me out here? Isn't this pretty much your function?
Liver: Is that all I am to you? An organ that should just do its job?
AH: Well, yes.
Liver: That's it. Enjoy your next hangover whoreface. I will make sure there is no college football on and that you are trapped with a televangelist and his grinning idiot wife. And no cheeseburgers. Or else.
Kidneys: Yes, beetch, you are screwed. All that cerveza makes us angrrry.
AH: Wait, what? Now you guys are joining in? And why do you sound like you are from Mexico??
Kidneys: That iz none of your concern.
Liver: Stop mocking them and have another martini, why don't you. See what happens. I dare you.
I'm more than a little worried.
* inspired by Grace and a conversation with Eddie and the Artful Blogger
AH: Ugh. I think my liver has simply given up.
Liver: You think so, asshole??? Maybe it's because you routinely abuse me with your Colorado football games and your RockBand plus white wine drinking extravaganzas.
AH: Um, is that my liver actually telling me it hates me??
Liver: Yes bitch. I hate you. Why don't you poison me again and see what happens?
AH: Okay but isn't it sort of your JOB to help me out here? Isn't this pretty much your function?
Liver: Is that all I am to you? An organ that should just do its job?
AH: Well, yes.
Liver: That's it. Enjoy your next hangover whoreface. I will make sure there is no college football on and that you are trapped with a televangelist and his grinning idiot wife. And no cheeseburgers. Or else.
Kidneys: Yes, beetch, you are screwed. All that cerveza makes us angrrry.
AH: Wait, what? Now you guys are joining in? And why do you sound like you are from Mexico??
Kidneys: That iz none of your concern.
Liver: Stop mocking them and have another martini, why don't you. See what happens. I dare you.
I'm more than a little worried.
* inspired by Grace and a conversation with Eddie and the Artful Blogger
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